ladies, if a guy doesn’t eat pussy but still expects to get his dick sucked… laugh right in his face. leave the room in the midst of your laughter. go home while laughing. keep laughing for the rest of your life. never stop laughing.
raise your hand if you’re tired and sad and wanna make out with a girl
are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?
a list of emotions i feel frequently
- fall out boy
- 4 am
- lying face down on the floor
- no shirt
*eats 4 slices of pizza*
im so full
*eats another 4 slices of pizza*
"bisexuals are just confused"
this is 100% true. many things confuse me. algebra, 19th century welsh fairy tales, bigots.
How do you say goodbye after hosting an orgy?
"Have a great day, thank you all for coming."
"skinny jeans don’t look good on you"
"you have a pimple"
"your music taste is weird"
"why is your hair so short"
"you should go to the gym"
"why do you roll your eyes all the time?"